THE LANGUAGE OF SUPERVISION
Ó Carl Reddick
‘Keep the focus where it belongs’ - Bill Gates
Eliciting statements of willingness to change
“And
why is that a problem for you ?”
“Well,
which is more important to you ?”
“So
what’s the next step ?”
“Even
though you’d like to stop (hitting, using, stealing) you doubt whether it will
ever be possible.”
“I
think you are concerned about your (freedom, sobriety, children) and
I think your not doing enough to resolve this issue.”
“If
you stopped (using, hitting, missing appointments) what would change for you ?”
Eliciting a full description of the problem
“So
when did you figure this out ?”
“What
happens if you keep doing that ?”
“How
are things going at home ?”
“How
has your attitude about ________ changed over the years ?”
“Even
though you’d like to stop (hitting, using, stealing) you doubt whether it will
ever be possible.”
“What
information do you have about this that I don’t ?”
“I
think you are concerned about your (freedom, sobriety, children) and
I think your not doing enough to resolve this issue.”
I
know there are a number of things I’ve done that makes this situation harder.
How do you see my role?”
Defusing client tactics
“Let’s
work on how we might...”
“Help
me understand your version of what happened here”
I
know in the past that we’ve disagreed on this issue. What am I not
understanding ?”
“It
sure can be frustrating when (kids, cops, people, the government) won’t
listen. So tell me....”
“Can
you say a little more about why this is my fault.”
“It
sounds like you’re really upset about this.”
“I
feel badly about how rough things are going for you and I think you can’t afford to miss any more
meetings with (me, your therapist, your children)”
“What
impact have my actions had on you?”
“...and
what is your question for me?’
Points to Ponder
Imagine asking the head of Safeway, Microsoft, or the United States Army the purpose of a specific operation they are about to launch and getting the answer “Um, I don’t know, I guess we’ll play it by ear and figure it out as we go along.” We often launch our interviews in much the same way and neither the interviewer nor the client is quite sure what the point is or what a good outcome would look like.
All people have a basic need to be treated with decency and respect
We think the client is the problem, they think we are the problem.
Everybody has a reason for everything they do. You job is to act as a guide to find logic in past behavior and alternatives to repeating hurtful behavior
Never assume you understand the intentions of others. You don’t. So ask.
When an interview starts to spins out of control it is because feelings, on one side or the other, are not being considered
Try not to conduct the interview about your client’s problems.
Their self-image is on the line and for many of them their self-image is
all they have.
An interview is not about proving a point or giving someone advice, or changing them. It is about guiding them to better themselves.
You office is probably the only address in town where clients can safely try to express any willingness to change.
Don’t make statements designed as questions. (Eg. Don’t you know that drugs are bad for your
kids ?)
This interview is not about you. Listen for the number of times you say the word ‘I’. Try to break this habit.
Whoever talks the most is in the weakest position.
Try to talk about solutions, not problems.
You were hired to work in the boundary area where society collides with the client’s story. Learn their story very well. You already know your story.
Telling someone to change is the first step to insuring that it probably won’t happen
If you assume you already know everything you need to know about this client, you are probably in the wrong business
Learn what your role is in the offender’s story but keep the spotlight on your client.
You only have a few minutes. Avoid talking about the weather, tv shows, fishing, or other soft introductions. Frame the issue quickly and get them talking about it.
Your goal may be ‘social justice’... ‘child protection’.... ‘law enforcement’.... or ‘abuse prevention’ however your task is the client sitting in front of you.
Refuse to allow you client to enter the ‘zero state’ (I am perfect / I am worthless)
Try to be prepared for the client’s reaction to information they definitely do not want to hear. If client’s reactions are still surprising you, perhaps you have issues that need to be resolved.
In America asking for help is a sign of weakness. Is your office a safe place for client’s to ask for help ?
If we set out to change someone, we are more likely to wind up arguing with them.
It is not your responsibility to make things better. It is your responsibility to do your best.
Everything you say to a client also holds an implicit message. They are looking for a judgment. They are wondering if you, too, in their mind, are going to try to make them look foolish.
All things being equal, it is probably not a good idea to skip right to the ‘problem solving’ without acknowledging the pain that brings people to your office. Remember...you can acknowledge pain and still disagree with someone.
Face it, your job is not to persuade, impress, outwit, trick, or win over your client. It is to express what you see, find out the logic behind the behavior, and act as a guide toward better solutions.
References:
Motivational
Interviewing; Miller & Rollnick
Seven Habits of
Highly Effective People; Covey
Shifting the Balance; Killnick & Allen
Difficult
Conversations; Harvard Negotiation Project
Getting to Yes; Stone
and Patton
As a Man Thinketh;
James Allen
Stages of Change;
DiClemente
THIS IS A SAFE PLACE TO MAKE MISTAKES
Ground rules:
Nothing will be
resolved here. We are just trying out some interview techniques. It is easy to
destroy a role play by playing the role of the worst client ever invented. This
wastes time and is not, statistically, realistic. Some clients will never be
helped. Some, quite frankly, don’t particularly need our help.
So let’s describe
the ‘average’ client. Remember to play that role during these exercises.
(Activity)
What’s my line
(Activity)
What adjectives can
we use to describe our jobs
(activity)
Two groups...the
‘healer’ and the ‘sufferer’. 5 minutes. To interview and then debrief.
(Activity)
Why don’t clients
change? Don Chapin exercise.
(Activity)
VERY GOOD ! As we
break into groups try to remember not to:
Command Order
Warn Threaten
Provide Solutions Give Advice
Argue Lecture
Preach Blame
Shame Ridicule
Reassure Sympathize
...Or tell the
clients what they should do. OK, let’s go...